Huh?
What in the world?
Kita-san.
Kita-san what are you -
Why ever?
What in the world?
Ohatsu.
Two of you?
Now, three!
Why ever?
What in the world?
What's wrong?
Why all the screaming?
I had a bad dream.
There I was fishin' by the river...
and a sliding door floated by.
It flipped over before my very eyes.
I was there too, right?
Aye. In the flesh.
So it ain't the Yotsuya ghost, huh?
Then the next thing I know two doors floated by.
Then they flipped over and...
Then your wife was twins, right?
Aye.
How'd ya know?
'Cause that's my dream.
Why?
I should be asking you "why"?
Ripping off my dream...
that's copyright infringement.
Hey!
Whatta ya doin'?
Yaji-san, Yaji-san.
Damnit! I told you to stop that shit.
You're silly.
Silly.
Silly, silly, silly.
It's your fault for talking about her!
Now, whatta ya doin'?
What else but...
get high and check whose dream it was.
Screw you.
You fool.
Fool you.
What the hell?
Let me go.
Bloody fool!
Screw you!
Bloody fool!
Screw you!
Bloody fool!
Screw you!
Bloody fool!
Screw you!
Bloody fool!
Screw... fool!
Gotcha.
Kita goofed.
Stop it. Keep your voice down.
Screw... fool.
I said it on purpose.
Screw... fool.
Hey, hey.
What? All of the sudden?
You surprised me.
Screw you.
Hey.
True love always...
hits all of a sudden.
Unexpected?
Expected.
Kita-san.
Murder! A murder!
R-E-D-R-U-M!
Oh no! Oh yes!
An elephant from the land of barbarians.
Murder!
See it now or never.
Elephant?
The eyebrows above this tusk are its weaponry.
Why's it called an elephant?
Questions?
Yeah.
You! Answer him!
Don't you know?
How should I?
I heard that...
That?
It's got big ears.
Oh!
A long nose and...
Oh?
It's a big stinky mouse.
It stinks?
Close...
but no cigar.
Explain.
The eyebrows stink the mo-o-o-st.
But it ain't all bad.
If you touch its long nose, you'll live to be 100.
You kidding?
Why don't you find out yourself?
And stop asking me, idiot!
I've eaten elephant before.
What?
Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies.
The fins are tasty.
Elephants are sacred messengers of God. How could you eat one!
Stop it... Get him.
Get him.
Street fight!
Fights and fires go hand in hand with Edo men.
Shut your mouth, you asshole.
Hey Yaji-san.
Why are Edo men... so damn phony?
Running at the mouth.
Like verbal diarrhea.
You think if I hang out with them, I'll turn phony too?
This debt notice ain't no phony.
Get real.
Who'd hang out with an indebt junkie like you?
Yaji-san...
I can't make heads or tails of reality.
I have to go on living but I'm always high and in bed.
"ISE SANCTUARY"
To live, I need drugs.
"REALITY IS OUT HERE"
To do drugs, I need money.
If living like this until I die is reality...
then I've had enough.
Who needs that kind of reality.
Wanna take a pilgrimage to Ise?
Ise-san?
Ise Sanctuary.
If we go to Ise, you'll be cured of being a junkie.
REALITY...
IS OUT HERE.
Yaji in da house.
We'll go to Ise and be one with the world.
Get that monkey off my back.
Boo-yaa word!
Why you talking strange?
We're just buggin'.
Words like "bloody fool" can't scrap a lick.
We 'bout not being dated.
Kick drugs, come correct.
Down with living positive. Peace.
L-Town Paradise, l-S-E Respect.
Ya dig?
Dig? That ain't close to reality.
Kita-san! Let's go.
We've never set one foot out of Edo.
Let's see the world.
You might discover a new you.
Find myself?
A journey of discovery.
Boring.
Huh?
That ain't reality.
It's no fun as long as you're married.
Besides...
my dealer is coming today.
Screw that! Backdrop!!
Forget my wife!
Let me go.
I, I, I wanna take a trip with you.
I just got to.
Let... me... go.
Screw you!
Bloody fool!
Screw you!
Those junkies are at it again.
Come out or we're coming in.
That's telling them.
What's with you?
Huh?
I'm so high.
You coming or not?
It'll be too dangerous all by yourself.
Traveling the Tokaido Highway with you...
is bound to be fun.
Screw you.
Bloody fool. Now get packed.
A journey to yourself, oh yeah
A journey to reality
Taking no women or kids
'Cause we're born to be...
GAY!
Piss off you blabbermouth Edo boys
Our reality is far out West
- Screw you! - Bloody fool
Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby
Lookin' for Ise adventure, maybe
Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby
YAJI AND KITA, THE MIDNIGHT PILGRIMS
Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby
Lookin’ for Ise adventure, maybe
Halt!
What, what?
Don't ask me.
Trouble?
Yes?
Don't yes me.
Guess how many KPH you were going.
KPH?
100 KPH. That's 60 over the limit.
Sorry.
Some speed trap!
- We're sorry. - You got a problem boy?!
No, we're sorry.
I mean...
Yes?
What era is it?
What era?
Where're you from?
From? We're from Edo.
Edo?
Edo.
Then get walking.
Walk?
Edo men have always walked this road.
So what's with the motorcycle?
Riding high huh?
Ouch!
What're ya shooting?
A film.
Speak up boy.
A film.
A movie.
Yeah, a movie.
Title?
Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims.
Never heard of it.
Who's starring?
Yaji and...
Starring Tomoya Nagase Shichinosuke Nakamura Yaji and...
Starring Tomoya Nagase Shichinosuke Nakamura
- Kita. - Who?
Starring Tomoya Nagase Shichinosuke Nakamura
Kita.
Starring Tomoya Nagase Shichinosuke Nakamura
Are they famous?
So so.
Anyway walk back to Edo and start over.
Huh? Get real.
Do we have to? Really?
For an Edo boy, you talk like a girl.
Walk back? That's impossible.
No, no, no.
I said, "Walk"!
LAUGH INN
Feeling fine, eh?
Feeling fine.
Cheer up, Kita.
I'm always cheerful.
This feels great, eh? Not a cloud in the sky.
Feeling fine.
You boys are real chummy.
Damnit.
Not chummy. We're gay.
We love men more than 3 square meals.
We're two homos madly in love.
I got one, Kita-san.
This is fun.
Hey! What gives?!
Hey. Jump up and down.
Not now.
I said, "Jump"!
Oh, oh, oh. Higher.
I keep this 'til we get to Ise.
No problem, right?
Well I...
Uh-huh?
OK.
OK, shall we go Kita-san?
OK.
Sorry to hurt you.
Oh, Kita-san.
Wanna skip?
Skip? Sure.
You're not skipping.
You're good.
Wow. This place is filled with our fellow men.
All makin' love in the afternoon.
What the -
Oh madam, can we get a room?
Please leave.
Why ever?
Travelers, this is a laugh inn.
No stand up comedy, no room.
You'll never pass the checkpoint.
I'm Samu-rai.
I'm Ke-rai.
Together we're Sam Kerai. Get it?
Now that’s funny.
Sam Kerai's...
"The Invisible Man"
- Hey, hey. - Yeah?
I invented something groovy.
Groovy?
- Drink this and... - And?
You'll be invisible.
No way.
Yes way.
Then drink it.
Fine then.
And invisible man? Groovy idea but...
No way. Hey!
No way. Come back.
Oh no.
Where are you?
The dorm.
Two for the dorm.
Not the dorm again.
But we've improved.
What the heck was that?
The inspections for "incoming weapons and outgoing women"...
were strict enough at the outposts.
But the new head watchman, Kimura Chuckles made them even stricter.
MAKE ME LAUGH!
You need a sense of humor to pass.
And he shows no mercy even on samurai.
Oh me, me!
Go.
Do you know why old kings never die?
They just get throne away.
Yamada-kun.
Yes.
3 stones.
Wait. Get it? Throne away. Thrown away.
Make it four.
That's why...
everyone finds a partner and works on their act.
So they're not gay?
So who's the straight man and who's the comic?
Neither.
I'm Yaji; he's Kita.
Kita!
What's wrong? Get with it!
Drugs.
I need my fix.
What the?
What the? Snap out of it.
Come on straight man play off his humor.
He's having withdrawals, idiot.
Stop laughing.
He's come! Lord Kimura's here.
Bow down. Bow down.
Quarterback sneak!
Chill out. Earth to Kita-san!
Wow! A samba carnival! Everybody samba.
Take a good look.
It's a daimyo's procession.
All I see are TAMIYA 1/35 scale models.
Who's Tamiya?
What now?
Office ladies. OLs on their lunch hour.
Where do you wanna eat? How about pasta?
Bring me udon flour.
He'll boil you alive.
Flour.
That new hairdo is so you.
The bitch stepped on my model.
G.I. Jane.
Look drugs.
Sweet!
Snort it up.
Kita-san. Forgive me.
That's funny!
Excellent comic timing!
What's your name?
Yajirobe. And he's Kitahachi.
Lord Kimura!
Heard this one?
Ninja arts... my... my... private parts.
You peasant!
Yajirobe and Kitahachi, eh?
See you at the checkpoint.
Ace of hearts.
That smarts.
By fits and -
Starts!
Hi, I'm Yaji. And I'm Kita.
Together we're...
Together... we're?
Together we're Yaji-Kita. Get it?
No, I can't rip off their joke.
Who's there?
What's so funny?
More, more. Laugh it up.
Laugh. Laugh.
OK... And cut.
The next set up is this way.
Please watch your step.
Where you going?
Over here.
Over where?
Everybody with me?
Watch your step.
We're running late. Over here.
Here. This seat's open.
Ready?
Here's the scene.
Well if it ain't me when I was a kid?
Stupid, stupid.
Sissy, sissy.
Now laugh!
Keep laughing. Laugh.
Quit laughing.
Don't laugh. Don't laugh.
Quiet. If you laugh, he'll...
Look, you made him cry.
Don't laugh. Quit laughing!
Stop it!
Stop... laughing.
They're non-union.
Laugh it up. You're all right.
Honey.
Wake up... honey!
I saw him.
Saw him? Saw who?
The God of Laughter.
Kita-san.
The God of Laughter helped me.
Luck is on our side.
The God of Laughter is on our side.
Sure, sure. Whatever.
Huh?
Be patient. Hold out until Ise.
No!
I wasn't hallucinating.
I saw it with my own eyes.
Screw you.
Ouch!
There's no God of Laughter.
He ain't on our side.
Don't pull! Don't... ouch!!
Ouch?
Ouch.
Does is hurt?
This is your reality.
There's no God.
Your nuts hurt?
Yes?!
This is your reality.
You got it?
I got it.
You got it?
I got it.
Still need convincing?
Oh...
sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
My bad.
I love you Kita. That's my reality.
- I got it. I got it. - Really?
- I got it. - You sure?
Wanna pull mine?
No thanks. I'm not angry. Don't worry.
Hey! Outta our way.
Stop your skipping.
Why?
Never mind.
Screw you. Screw who?
Hello again.
Begin.
Hi, I'm Yaji and...
Well, it's Spring again.
Hey, Kita-san. Kita.
Can February March?
No, but April may.
But April May.
Hey, what in the world?
Why ever, why ever?
Drugs, drugs.
Stop it! Stop. I said stop!
Yamada.
Yes?
A junkie, eh?
No, he's going to Ise to kick his habit.
He hasn't gotten high since Edo. Right?
No junkies allowed.
DENIED
Stop.
Hey funnyman...
you passed.
PERMITTED
No.
Stop it.
Let me go.
Kita-san.
I have to be with Kita-san.
Let me go. Stop it!
Stop it.
Why in the world!
Let me go! Kita-san.
Let me go.
Stop. Screw you.
He's gone.
Kita's gone.
Mind blowing.
Naniwa Hot at your service!
Hot, hot, smokin' hot.
I'm just getting warmed up.
Mind blowing. Mind you.
Hey. Who's he?
Master Naniwa Hot.
He's taking his hot act to Edo.
Oh!?
Good luck.
Why?
Get lucky.
Nice one.
Good luck.
Screw you.
W-w-wait. The best is yet to come.
Hot, hot, smokin' hot.
What gives?
What're ya doing?
Doing? I got denied.
And I can't go back to Osaka.
My partner went on ahead.
Partner?
Yeah. You see a brat about this high?
Hey buddy!
You seen my dad?
Hey buddy!
Hey are you crying?
I may not look it but I'm a pretty famous comedian.
First I was Naniwa Hotcake, then Hot Milk.
Then Hotcarpet and Hotpants.
And Hotplate when I paired with my wife.
And Hot, Hotter, Hottest as a trio.
Now with my son, Hot Sandwich.
Mind blowing. Who's on first?
Hot, hot, smokin' hot.
Been doing those gags for 18 years.
I made them mine.
They're my trademark.
But my son wanted to ride an elephant.
And I wanted to try my act in Edo.
What's with you? You feel OK?
You gotta pee?
I won't.
Won't?
Kita gave up drugs but...
I didn't give up anything.
I want to understand how he feels.
I'll give up pissing.
You're a riot.
Ya think?
Wanna pair up with me?
No... I can't.
I can't without Kita.
Shoguns may come and go but there's only one Kita.
Sandwich.
That's a mutt.
How cold.
Edo humor is cold, scary, cheap.
Sandwich.
Hey, wait up for... me.
Sandwich.
Your humor is the best. Sandwich.
Wait... Sandwich.
Sandwich, it's me, Dad.
Sandwich...
It's me, Dad.
It's Dad, Sandwich.
Yaji-san...
I'm so sorry.
You promised me - no drugs!
You were here all the time?
Why run away?
I don't know.
Give it a rest.
Do you...
hate me?
How could I hate you?
Then why?
I missed you so much that...
this happened.
F-f-face tumor?
He's pulling at me.
Yaji's mine!
Stop it.
Idiot. You don't understand shit.
Who are you?
Welcome to Hakone Checkpoint, Episode 2.
Episode 2?
Where's Yaji-san?
There!
Talk about fresh.
Yaji-san.
It's all mine?
He's in love with seafood now.
HI cutie.
PAY CHANNEL. PRESS START.
Start, start. Press start.
Press start.
Bye.
Wanna see Yaji-san?
Of course!
Wanna see your son?
Yeah.
Wanna go to Ise?
You bet.
Wanna go to Edo?
Yes!
Then, let the Drug Addict Mega Quiz begin.
Hold on. A quiz?
What about our jokes?
Drug Addict -
Mega Quiz!
Forget applauding on queue.
We'll compete with our jokes.
What a joke. Screw this quiz stuff.
What the hell?
Got any parents?
No.
Got any kids?
No.
If you squint your eyelids, you can see...
mother!
Question 1. What's in the box?
We can see inside.
Drugs, drugs! Beautiful drugs.
You promised me - no drugs!
Oh no! No!
Too close for comfort.
I didn't take them, Yaji-san.
So what's in the box?
Don't know.
What's in the box?
Beats me.
What's in the box?
- Don't care. - Don't care.
What's in the box?
What's In the box?
Wanna pass the checkpoint?
Yeah.
Follow me.
What's In the box?
Sandwich.
Wanna have cake?
Yeah, I do.
Then here you go.
Delicious.
Eat up son.
Oops!
PERMITTED
Yaji-san.
Kita-san.
How'd you pass the checkpoint?
Don't know.
I don't know but...
I kept our promise.
You did.
Was I good? Did I do good?
Great!
Was I good?
You did great!
Good boy.
Mind blowing.
Dad...
Well done!
Hot, hot, smokin' hot!
I'm just getting warmed up!
Who's on first?
PLEASURE INN
Wanna skip?
- You sure? - Yeah.
Let's skip.
Here we go.
Skipping with Yaji-san.
EU-RE-KA!
Eureka!
Inspector Kin-kin. This way.
Kin-kin!
Wanna eat?
What's shaking?
Hey Cro-Magnon jaw.
Over here monkey face.
Outta his way.
You game?
Eureka!
Here it is.
OK.
Hey Non-no?
That's me.
She's been murdered.
It's a murder.
What did you call it earlier?
A macho dinner party.
This ain't no party!
Shut up.
How careless of me.
Don't let it happen again.
Who owns this house?
Mr. Yajirobe.
Hey Kita-san.
How long you gonna rest?
Bloody fool.
Relax. It's not like...
we're wanted men.
Why don't you enjoy the view?
Have it your way.
So where's Yajirobe now?
On a pilgrimage to Ise.
Alone?
No, with his partner...
Kitahachi.
Mafia Boss Jiro's pleasure is our pleasure.
Mafia Boss Jiro's pleasure is...
Who goes there?
I am called...
Kitahachi, born and raised in Edo.
Get real. What a lame name!
What's with that hair color? Stop goggling!
Why?
We're Jiro's Pleasure Team.
Jiro's what?
His what?
Boss Shimizu Jiro is coming by...
on his way to Edo. This BBS says so.
So we're waiting for him.
Mafia Boss Jiro's pleasure is our pleasure.
Thanks to him, our harvest was a bumper crop.
Thanks to him, I lost 8 kilos.
Ah 1, 2...
Who goes there?
Is Boss Jiro that sexy?
You mean you haven't seen him?
But the rumor is he's quite manly...
and he's very strong.
Strong, strong, is his theme song!
Nice one! Jiro'd love it.
He'd flip.
I don't get it but it looks fun.
Just follow us.
Come on.
Join us.
Mafia Boss Jiro's pleasure Is our pleasure.
Come on macho boy.
Eat your carrots. Chow down.
You're still growing. Chow down.
You're the youngest, so eat up.
Kitahachi is a washed-up actor.
Then he must be gay.
He is.
How gay?
Ouch, ouch.
And he's using drugs banned by the shogunate.
A faggot junkie?
Tangled in a love triangle, eh?
Eureka!
I'll lay odds that he's the one who killed Ohatsu. Non-no?
Yes sir!
Too tall! Stand down!
We're off to Ise.
Off to Ise. This way!
Let's eat.
A lefty? You a southpaw too?
How about dessert?
Don't rush us.
We're eating!
I see.
Mafia Boss Jiro’s pleasure is our pleasure. Mafia Boss Jiro’s...
Kita-san. Kita-san.
Hey Kita.
Who goes there?
No, no, no.
He's not Jiro. He's my companion.
What's with those clothes?
Pretty girly, huh?
Girly?
A girl. Girly Kita.
Yaji-san, here.
Sweet as honey, honey.
Wanna join our pleasure team?
Your what?
They're fans of some mafia boss named Jiro.
Right?
Why ever?
Where'd all your high tension go?
But he's so...
Stop being so silly.
Do you...
have a steady?
A 'steady'? What's a steady?
Who's that over there?
Oh him? We met on the road. Come here.
Poor guy got robbed by bandits on the way to Edo.
Highway robbery, eh?
Come on.
You sure? Okay then.
What's your name again?
Shimizu.
What? What?
I'm called Shimizu Jiro.
Shi-mi-zu?
Shimizu Jiro!
Get happy! Jiro's here. Now sing!
Yaji's pleasure is our pleasure.
Shut up.
He's angry.
They fancy you.
They do?
I want you all to myself.
Hey! Stop it.
Go for it, bloody fools!
Wait for me!
SINGING INN
How huge!
How long are you gonna -
All day long. That's Fuji.
It's only a mountain.
Shut up.
Whoh, an echo.
You try screaming.
I'll pass.
Come on, scream.
I'm fine.
Fine. So scream.
OK you loudmouth.
I need my fix!
Keep your voice down.
Is that all you think about?
I could admire this view forever.
Right Kita? You're not listening, are you?
You okay?
Butt out.
I... can't...
carry...
a...
t-u-n-e.
You talk funny.
Oyuki!
Don't sing off key.
Come on... music!
Welcome.
Whoa, welcome.
Tea, green tea
Shizuoka's famous rows of tea
Yeah-Yeah
Drink all you want
It's free
Yeah-Yeah
Hey travelers, you Edo boys
Wanna eat some sushi?
Hey travelers, ever been to Thailand?
Wanna cut your balls off?
Shall I give you a sex change too?
You're in the mecca of green tea
Yoshiwara City in Shizuoka
Thank you.
Wow! A song with a cup of tea.
How about an encore?
Don't. He's wheezing.
I'm dead.
You OK daddy?
Daddy?
One more cup.
Come on...
music.
Not being able to sing is nothing to worry about.
Not around here.
Meaning?
According to legend...
singing clears up the weather around Mt. Fuji.
The burning mountain, please come back
Burn baby burn, disco Inferno
Somewhere over the rainbow
Love lifts us up where we belong
But...
when I sing...
Mt. Fuji hides in the haze.
It did. It hazed over.
You again!
What should... we do?
Nothing. She can't carry a tune in a bucket.
But... don't you think... it's sad?
Talk normal will you?
I am... talking... normal.
Kita-san!
What the fuck!
Stop it. Stop it.
Ouch. Stop it.
You in love with that chick?
Dinner show.
Don't change the subject!
We'll host a dinner show...
in that temple back there.
Screw that. Backdrop!
Bloody fool! Lariat!
I want Oyuki to cheer up.
Faith can... move mountains.
She can sing.
You in?
A dinner show!
No drugs?
Drugs?
Wanna get high instead?
No. The dinner show's more important.
What's wrong?
Don't do that.
Your crying makes me sick.
So what if it does.
I'm happy.
I'm... so... happy.
I gotcha.
I wonder in the middle of the night
Should I keep on living?
Should I use the hot springs? Should I sleep on a futon?
This song's a hit.
To the top.
This rocks.
It'll sell big.
All right!
Yeah!
But when our bones are aching, we fall to sleep
TOWERPHONOGRAPHS
Did you call us?
Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims
Hey Kita.
Kitahachi.
We're No.1 on the hit chart three weeks running!
No way.
Ranked right up with the sumo champion.
She stinks.
You know...
making it to the top is pretty meaningless.
I know the feeling.
Get back.
You stink.
You stink big time.
Stop it. She's getting better.
Don't mind him. Let's practice.
How about a drink to celebrate our fame?
Oyuki, this shamisen...
might help you sing better.
OK.
You're too close. Too close.
Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims
How fun!
Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims
Yaji and Kita
At least he's sober.
Yaji, Kita.
"ISE SANCTUARY"
Yaji-san! Yaji-san? It's Ise.
I told you we'd make it.
Hurry up.
Slow down.
Yaji X Kita in da house.
Yaji-san! Kita-san!
The festival flutes are calling
Yaji-san! Kita-san!
The taiko drums pound in the distance
Ohhh...
Strum away the state of the world
Foxes and raccoons trick everyone around
The frozen metro polls goes donn-zoko donn-zoko